Friday, April 27, 2007

7:15am. Leaving in 30 Minutes for Work.

And I don't want to go. Do you hate to go to work?

Is it just because I don't want to get up and get going? I'm up now, and going, so to speak, and I still don't want to go. I remember, not the feeling of it, but the knowledge that I actually didn't mind going to work when I was a tech writer in a software engineering group. I remember thinking, wow, this is the difference. I love coming to work. I'd always thought I'd hated working, but I just hated my job.

Can I blame my job for my attitude now? Or is it just me? School secretary. I like giving kids band-aids, helping parents know what forms to fill out, taking messages for everyone; I feel helpful and it's easy. I hate having so many people count on me for so many things, some of which are really important and I just cannot do them all. I'm behind every minute.

I thought it was a bad feeling doing a bad job as a secretary at a bank --- the feeling of doing a bad job taking care of a child's school pictures, or a bad job letting parents know about the dates and times of the school assemblies -- dealing with real children and real parents and real people and real families is intensely draining and stressfull. For me anyway.

7:30am. I don't want to go to work.

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