Rage Strudel

Maybe rage is a good spice to have on hand for strudel emergencies...

Filling:
4 granny smith apples, peeled, cored, sliced thin
juice of one lime
1 tblspn cinnamon
1 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup almond meal
2 tblspns butter
Mix all that, set aside.

Dough:
One package phyllo dough
Mangle whole thing badly, getting flakes all over kitchen.
Abandon all hope, foment blind rage.
Move on in desperation.

Rage Dough:
Crust for two crust pie
2.25 Cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup shortening
2 tablespoons butter
5 - 6 tablespoons water
Dump it all, except water, into the mixmaster.
Add water, one tablespoon at a time until dough is all slightly moistened and starts to stick together. Divide dough into two equal portions, form into balls, wrap in wax paper, refrigerate for 15 minutes. Take out one ball. Roll it a bit, fold it in half, roll it a bit more. Repeat a few times. Then roll it out into a thin 8ish x 12ish oblong. Transfer to a parchment covered baking sheet.
Oh, now's a good time to pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.

Also, EndGame:
1 tblspn butter, melted
1 tblspn almond meal
1 tblspn cinnamon sugar mixture that you happen to have on hand
Just hang on to those for a few minutes.

Take out the other ball, do the same thing, but end up with a slightly narrower, shorter oblong.
Dump the apple mixture onto the dough on the baking sheet. Neatly. It's probably pretty juicy by now, gonna slop all over. Try to confine it. Keep the outer inch or so of dough free. Now take the second sheet of dough and cover the apples. Brush melted butter onto the free inch of the bottom sheet. Fold that bottom inch up and pinch it onto the top sheet. I don't know how, the whole conceit is absurd. Just finagle it as best you can. When you've accomplished this, brush the top of the Rage Strudel with melted butter (I meant to do this, not sure if I actually did it). Dust the top with almond meal; sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Tell yourself oh well, you did your best, and bake for 40 minutes or until it seems about right.

This is as far as I've gotten. I really don't know what to do with it now. In one hour I'm supposed to transport this to the 7th grade German class; I don't even know how to get it off the baking sheet. Sheesh.

Okay, relax. I just had to use a spatula to pry it away from the melty caramelly sauce that oozed out and then it slipped right off the baking sheet onto the cutting board. Let it cool a bit; it sliced up fine. I am amazed. It's pretty good!

EPILOGUE: January 16, 2011. So, months ago, not long after I first made this, a mom in the class asked me for the recipe. She said her daughter reported that it was "the best thing EVER." I was happy to hear that report. I'm making it again today. But this time, just because I have it and am not going to make Apple Dumplings after all, I'm using the biscuit-y dough I made yesterday for a recipe in the Cook's Illustrated "Best of America's Test Kitchens" 2011 Annual magazinie-cookbook thing I bought at Costco this week. I'll report on how this turns out when I know more. So far, it is baking and smelling good.

Mmmm! Tasting good too. Didn't seal the sides up well enough and apple caramelly saucey dripped all over the bottom of the oven, smoking up the house and necessitating the whole-house fan, but that's to be expected. The doughier biscuit-y dough didn't take as long to bake, about 35 minutes. Might have been better if I'd baked it at 400 instead of 350. But overall, yum.