Thursday, September 08, 2005

How I feel today

Ugh. I'm hating everything. Myself in particular.

I just want to sit at the computer and let my fingers dribble out thoughts and observations.

I have so damned many other things to do. Today would be a great day to be outside. Weed-whacking the damned lawn. Getting rid of the damned lawn. Vacuuming the scary spiderwebs away from our front porch. Cleaning our patio so it is at least close to a pleasant place to be.

Fold some laundry.

Write some real stuff insteada this dribble.

I think it is chemical, these episodes of "why is there life?" Sorta like the I hate myself thoughts. That's usually a sign of particular physical processes kicking in. Life has gotten a lot better since I stopped believing those thoughts. And intellectually, I believe who cares why there's life? Let's just get on with it. But then I have these times when the lack of a point -- oh, ha. I was going to say the lack of a point drags me down. I bet it's not that. I can't get moving and then the oh well, there's no point anyway excuse pops up.

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